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Sometimes in my tears I drown

15 Dec

I have too many thoughts going through my head right now, too much pain and need for understanding. The events of yesterday morning cut me to the core.

Sometimes, the Universe gives you what you need. Today, as I stood in the kitchen, this song came on my Pandora stream:

And I remembered this video that I posted earlier this spring:

Teachers died yesterday, protecting their students. Let’s never forget those heroes. And let’s never forget why we teach – not to fill these vessels with knowledge, but to inspire and help them grow into adults who know what love and compassion are. Adults who will say “We don’t wanna fight no more.”

Just a little inspiration for you, and for me, on this day when we try to make sense of the world and the pain and the fear.

Sometimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down
So my negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
Because
All my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
For the people to say
That we don’t wanna fight no more
They’ll be no more wars
And our children will play

-Matisyahu, One Day

 

 

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Thanks-Vember 30, The End

30 Nov

Today marks the last day of November, and I was pretty good about blogging every day! Even with all the crazy deadlines and assignments and family commitments and theatre work I’ve been doing, I only missed a couple of days.

But I missed yesterday. I wasn’t thankful for anything yesterday. I was not in a good place the last few days. And today I decided to make an appointment with a school counselor. Most colleges and universities offer counseling services to their students, and I don’t know why more people don’t take advantage of it. College is stressful – even when, like me, you’ve already completed four years of it and are now back at it. Actually, maybe that makes it more stressful – when I was in college the first time, I didn’t have to pay rent for the years I lived at home or in the dorms, and when I did move out my financial aid covered almost everything, I just had to work a few hours a week to pay for fun things like movies. I got stressed about tests, and stressed about relationships, but nothing seemed too overwhelming.

But now, it’s hard. I’m struggling to pay rent, struggling to keep up with my schoolwork, I’m struggling to maintain my relationships, and let me tell you – I’m sick and tired of being broke. After college, I worked minimum wage jobs (or less – two years in AmeriCorps) and pinched every penny. There was a point when I wouldn’t use the clothes dryer in my apartment building because it cost $1.00. Instead I hung my wet clothes all over my apartment. I’m not that poor anymore, but I have to pinch and save and I want to buy my family and friends holiday gifts and bake and I just don’t know how I can do it all, and pass all my classes, and write all these papers. So I made a choice. It was sort of hard for me to make the appointment, I almost walked out. But I had a friend there for support, and that definitely helped.

Two days ago, The Bloggess tweeted:

“There would be less people coming out with “brave secrets” if everyone would just be honest about having the exact same secrets.”

(PS – she’s hilarious but don’t click if you’re easily offended)

So, I’m sharing my “brave secret” with you, because it seems like the thing to do. I decided I needed to talk to someone about all the stress I’m feeling. Is it normal to feel this stressed? Maybe not, and maybe this will help.

On this last day of November, this last day of publicly giving thanks – I’m thankful that my university offers a support net. I’m thankful that my classmates are also there to support me. And I’m thankful for all of you who read my blog.

Also, because I have gotten a lot out of this blog, and because I was inspired by Gretchen Reubin’s The Happiness Project, I’ve decided to start a Gratitude blog. I’m not going to have a daily post requirement for myself, but I’ll post regularly about things I am grateful for. I hope you’ll check it out!

Thankful for: A healthy body

28 Nov

I haven’t left the house in two days. It’s getting a little overwhelming. I’ve had some intense stomach pain and headaches, which could either be because I’m stressed out (end of the quarter! write all the papers!) or because I ate something with gluten in it (three Thanksgiving meals at other peoples houses…). It’s a bummer that the effects of gluten on my body mirror so many other things. Sometimes it’s stomach pain, sometimes it’s congestion, sometimes it’s body aches – that’s a big reason gluten intolerance is so difficult to diagnose.

However, in the long run, I am a pretty healthy person. As long as I am hyper-vigilant about what I eat, I can avoid gluten and those nasty side effects. I don’t have asthma, or diabetes, or any of the other illnesses that affect many of my close friends. My body is whole and strong. And for that I am thankful.

What do we do when we encounter students whose bodies are not whole and strong? Students who are wheelchair-bound, or have a terminal illness? These students deserve to receive the same education as their able-bodied peers, but there can be some difficulties. What are some roadblocks you might encounter while teaching students with disabilities, or with critical illnesses? How might we work together to make sure these students are fairly served?

Thanks-Vember 27: Taking Risks

27 Nov

Two years ago, tonight, I invited a really great guy to go see a concert with me.

I was tired of waiting for things to happen, so I decided to give it a little push. (Well, maybe not little. Subtlety has never been my strong suit.) Lo and behold, he said yes, and he still likes me! We are celebrating our anniversary by working on our separate projects – he on a play and me on my piles of homework – but it’s still a special day.

So today I am thankful for taking risks. I took a risk asking out this man. I took a risk applying to this program. I try to take risks every day (small ones!). I think it’s working out for me so far!

Thanks-vember 26

26 Nov

What am I thankful for today? I’m thankful for the chance to catch up with friends over grown-up beverages. I’m thankful for truffle fries and discussing school. I’m thankful for truffle fries and not discussing school.

I’m also thankful I am in school with a group of people who support each other. We might say something that is controversial. We might talk about touchy subjects. But we are a cohort – a group, and we value each other.

Thanks-Vember 25

25 Nov

I’m thankful for sunny days, coffee shops, and wi-fi. I’m especially thankful for the ability to work at a coffee shop, on wi-fi, with my classmate, on our homework. We got a lot done today, and I’m feeling a little better about the next two weeks.

Thanks-Vember 24, Small Business Saturday

24 Nov

While the Friday after Thanksgiving is known for its retail over-load, the Saturday after Thanksgiving is known as “Small Business Saturday.” I learned yesterday that, ironically, Small Business Saturday was started by a large business – American Express.

A discussion of why small businesses are important could be a great introduction to an economics unit. Research could be done on the flow of money, on the number of small businesses in your community, and the impact these businesses have on local issues. A comparison between small local businesses and large national chains could also be an interesting classroom activity. Additionally, local business owners are often really excited to take part in school activities, from classroom visits to career nights.

There is a lot of great information out there, like this infographic from Business News Daily:

Today, I’m thankful for local businesses – most of my retail jobs were at these small, independent companies, and I’m glad there is an “official” day to celebrate them.

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